Seasons.

 

We are reading a book in my mom’s group about seasons of life. I’ll let you guess which one I’m in.

This is what my bedroom looks like:

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I went to an interview for a part time job last week with strawberry juice plastered across my boobs. My shirt was white. Not awesome. Also, the interview was for a 16 hour a week job, and the lady talked to me for two and a half hours. Serious red flags.

I risked it and tried to shower today while my baby girl was awake. I pulled tons of toys into the room to occupy her. It did not end well:

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I haven’t slept through the night since last May. Lennon has fluid in her eardrums and needs to be repositioned frequently throughout the night to relieve the pressure. She was supposed to have tubes put in her ears yesterday, but thanks to insurance, we don’t have a date scheduled until mid-February. (But there is a date!)

I went to switch over the seventh load of laundry (yes, seventh) I’ve done since yesterday morning and came back to find out that Lennon can now maneuver through her high chair buckles. I found her standing up trying to climb onto the kitchen island. Duly noted.

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I also sat with my beautiful boy while he ate lunch. What’s wrong with that? We literally (and yes I am using that word correctly right now) sat at the kitchen island for 45 minutes so he could eat four chicken nuggets. Not because he was refusing, just because he eats like a sloth. I love him dearly, but come on, man.

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I’m on my third cup of coffee today, one being an espresso drink, and I still feel like I could close my eyes right now and sleep until tomorrow afternoon.

Also, the former host of Celebrity Apprentice is becoming the President of the United States tomorrow. I’m still waiting for someone to pop out of the woodwork and be like, “April fools a little early, America!”

I’m ready for Spring. Anyone else?

 

 

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Dear Bethany,

It’s okay.

It’s okay that your dishes from four days ago are still in the sink.  The ones in the dishwasher are clean, and we all know you’ll get to them eventually. You have not one, but two dirty crockpots? No problem. At least you used them at some point.

It’s totally fine that you haven’t dusted in a while. Little children are still running in and out of your house, so even if you did, no one would notice anyway. Don’t worry about the fact that you haven’t done you or your husband’s laundry in so long that he had to wear old underwear to work. He rallies for you and is proud that at least the kids have clean clothes.

And speaking of your awesome husband, it’s no big deal that you haven’t shaved your legs in a significantly long time. He’s also cool with it that you didn’t get the opportunity to shower today because your schedule and children were both slightly crazy. He’s watched you birth babies, and still finds you sexy. Honestly, there’s not really too much beyond that which will make you physically unattractive to him.

It’s not the end of the world that your child, after over a year of efforts, still will not always poop when he has to. This too, shall pass. Don’t stress over the amount of times you have to say, “stop making fart sounds,” “no, we are not talking about poop right now,” or “for the love, put your shoes on!”

You had canned soup for dinner last night? No big deal. A little processed crap never hurt anybody. At least you saved $20 and opted out on going through the McDonald’s drive through for the 85th time this year.

Don’t feel bad that you forgot to pack diapers for your daughter today when you dropped her off in the nursery and she ended up needing a diaper change and had to be put in a diaper much to small for all that junk inside that trunk. She survived, and the nursery workers have extra diapers just for moms like you.

You’re doing great. You’ve got this. Mom power and all that hoopla to you. Because you know what? Sometimes the stars align, your baby takes a long nap, your oldest is actually quiet during “quiet time,” and you get to clean your kitchen and listen to Kaleo at the same time. And, after that the heavens open and it’s 65 and sunny on an Oregon November day and you can get outside with your littles and rake the entire backyard with a 20 pound baby on your back. And despite being hit with a rake over a dozen times by a certain four year old who is very slowly learning spacial awareness, you got the entire yard raked and your kids got some precious vitamin D. Then, your babies entertain one another long enough for you to punch out this letter to yourself.

Don’t worry, mama. If you don’t get it done today, it will be waiting tomorrow, or the next day, or even the day after that.

You are capable.

Sincerely,

Yourself.

 

So long!

In true fashion to the name of this blog, the following post is no doubt, extremely rambling. Just stick with me if you can 🙂

This blog has always been a place of complete honesty. I think there is so much out there for us to look at that–though not necessarily dishonest–doesn’t encompass the entire picture. I have written this blog as a way to vent, share our little family’s story, and to be honest about the ups and downs that I face in life, whether serious, funny, or amazing.

Since getting laid off from my job, I have tried for over a year to land a freelance position (other than the one I semi hold where I formally worked). My goal in doing this has been two-fold: one, for the obvious reason of providing income for my family and helping out in that area, and two, because staying home for the first few years of my babies lives is so important to me, and writing is one of those rare things I can do while also being a stay at home mom. However, I have tried to no avail. As each month passes and as the reality that I’m going to have to return to a 9-5 gets closer and closer, I have felt my self-worth slowly begin to wither away.

This blog has previously provided a healthy outlet for me. I love to write. I am not always the most open person, but for some reason, I am able to express my thoughts most clearly when they are written out. This platform has provided ways for me to relate with others and share my story that I normally wouldn’t have. I have gotten messages from strangers, friends, acquaintances, and more thanking me for the words I have written on this site. The impact some of my blogs have had on others is a gift that I will never be able to replicate. I am so appreciative of those of you who have taken the time to read my rambles and reach out to me with parts of your own story.

Despite all the good that has come from this blog, there has been some down fall. There has been a lot of judgement received by what I have chosen to discuss on here. And, at times, I have used this blog negatively myself. Because of this and a little bit more that I’m not getting into, I have decided to take an indefinite pause.

The holidays are fast approaching and I think it’s the perfect time to put this blog to rest. During this season, I’m going to focus on my son and preparations for our new little girl.

But before I go, I want to thank you, my readers, for your love and support over the last three years. It’s been so fun to reconnect with people, relate to total strangers, and share life with you. It always blows my mind when people say they have not only read my blog, but enjoyed it, or found it helpful. So thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. You will never know the positive effect that has had on me.

Who knows, maybe in a few months I’ll be back with the shenanigans that come with balancing two kids, but for now, it’s time to say farewell! Much love, and thanks for the journey!

Silver Falls, OR. Hiking buddies for life.

Silver Falls, OR. Hiking buddies for life.